she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
