doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize