that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
