yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
