and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize