Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
