I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
