So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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