I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
