i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize