Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
