I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
