I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize