apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
