College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
