I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
