Someone shit on the floor
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
