started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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