she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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