You really coming over, don't trick.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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