don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize