Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Man, jail baloney is awful.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
