Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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