The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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