I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
