never play flip cup with pint glasses
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
