Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
