New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
