I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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