Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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