I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
