i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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