I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize