I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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