Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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