so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize