i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
