i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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