Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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