I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
MIDGETS
????
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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