I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
