I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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