I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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