please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
