I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
