Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
