It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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