You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
