his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
