Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
