Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
