I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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