i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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