remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
