Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
