i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize