I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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