don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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