I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just tell him i said nine months
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize