a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
