If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her vagine was all disorganized.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
