Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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