bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You can't motorboat a personality
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
