Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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