We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
