The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I am midnight drunk by noon
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
