I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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