When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
