this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
