Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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