im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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