ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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