She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
