So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
nutella sex= disaster
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
