Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
