How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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