who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
