no, he came in my armpit
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
