if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
