Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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