weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
