May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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