I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
being pregnant is like rehab
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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