Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
