so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
