You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
