I'm drive I can fine osifer
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
