Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
