pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
