Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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