So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm too high and old for this...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
