Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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