go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
