i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
