your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
