That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need a beard to bite.
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