I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
