You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
