a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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